You guys are gonna f***ing hate me. I found a house that costs more than my childhood trauma therapy bills. It’s $1.3 million, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, and located right in the magical land of the Pink Streets of St. Pete—where the sidewalks are pink, the HOA is strict, and the neighbors definitely judge your Amazon packages.
Now, please share this with your rich friends. Not the ones who Venmo you $6.27 for their share of bottomless mimosas, I mean the ones who refer to “Q4” in casual conversation and somehow own a boat named Liquid Assets.
This house has more bush than my mom in the ’80s. Three bedrooms, one bathroom, 776 square feet, St. Pete, Florida, $345,000. There’s no garage, but let’s be honest, you don’t need to keep your 2011 Toyota Camry safe. I feel like a 1950s housewife—waiting on my husband to come in here and tell me why I shouldn’t make as much money as him. This is where I’d mount my TV so I could re-watch Girls Gone Wild on repeat. ‘What are you girls doing? Go back to class!
This is the perfect place for you to drink a glass of wine with a married CEO.Four bedrooms, three bathrooms, 1,884 square feet. Well, this is too much free content for the neckbeards. I call this style bachelor pad chic.
This house might look small on the outside, but on the inside, it’s big. It’s bigger than Tumps big beautiful bill. Five bedrooms, three bathrooms, 2,083 square feet. Doesn’t this kind of look like the house where they filmed Paranormal Activity? Could you imagine being haunted by a demon named Toby? Toby’s the kind of guy you knew in high school who wore a fedora.
This carport is tall enough to fit your jacked-up F-150, but not tall enough to fill the void of when your father left. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, $660,000. Shut the f*** up. What do you want me to do? It’s two minutes from Bayshore Boulevard. You’re the one who overextended yourself on an F-150 payment. $950 a month? Imagine coming home to this after a long day of overcompensating.
